Saturday, September 22, 2012

Life moves on

'Life moves on' I have heard these lines a 1000 times earlier in my life but now I truly understand what it means. I used to think that there are few people in my life without whom I would die. I was so scared that I even cried once or twice just thinking about that. But God I think has a problem with me, he makes me do everything from which I am scared of. And yes then came a day finally when one of my most favorite person decides to leave me. God I will never forgive you for this but yes I am surviving. It totally shattered my faith in people around me, I am scared to love again, I am scared to trust people again but yes I am surviving. I read the lines somewhere - Sometimes the person who can comfort you the most is the same person who made you suffer. So true. I cried my heart out for about 2 months but who was affected; nobody but me (again). 
            Suddenly one day, I got 3 phone calls from 3 different friends, to whom I have not talked to in months, they were worried that am I alright. I didn't tell them anything (I am the kind of person who takes a longgggggggg time to open upto anyone) but those phone calls gave me back the hope to live again, hope to meet someone good once again in life. I finally decided to forgive that person and myself for everything that ever happened and for everything that led us apart.But I am still angry with you God and I am not going to forgive you that easily. 
           Life truly moves on. It doesn't give you the options, just plays its part and leaves upto you that how fast you can accept the good and bad that has happened. I don't like it though but what option do I have. 
          I have somewhat accepted this as my destiny in last 2 months. I try my best to keep myself busy. I engage myself in some lost aspects of my life and in few things which I loved doing. I hang out with my friends and truly speaking I am getting better and better everyday though, I still miss that person and even cry at times. These days I am trying to forget everything negative that happened in my life and retain all the positives, I even try to find happiness in small things everyday. For example when a friend complimented me for my dressing sense a few days back, or when I talked to an offshore team member on phone and she said she loved my pics and wants to come to India, or when a butterfly came and sat on my lap a few days back and how can I forget when my cab driver complimented me that I am a good person by heart. These thing might not reduce the trauma that I suffered but make me feel special somehow.