Priorities of life

Born on one fine Wednesday evening the first and the foremost priority in my life was to get food. Then started the chain of changing priorities in life. Then the next priority in my life was to get mother's attention. Then my sister was born after few years. I used to love taking care of her and used to show her around to my friends carrying her in my arms but I used to hate her when my mom used to shout at me as I might drop and hurt her. I adjusted myself to the fact after a while that now there is one more person in my mother's life and I might not get her 100% attention.

Midst of all these I was sent to school and I could not understand why my parents are leaving me between all these strange kids, wasn't one enough at home! But slowly I got adjusted and I actually started to like a few kids. As a kid I used to love coming to school as I was sharp in studies and teachers used to love me. At this stage of life my priority was to enjoy, play and not get scolded.

Slowly life moved on again and I joined a coaching institute, priorities changed suddenly. Now the main priority in my life to study, study and clear JEE. I did and was sent to college. At college I had to make friends again and the priorities for sometime got focused on becoming popular and getting recognition in the small world called college. I actually had a lot of fun at college and did everything that I desired for. Excelled in studies, got great placements, joined the sports team, fell in love and what not.

Finally joined the corporate sector now and the priority is mere to survive in this world all alone and to be happy, which I think is becoming next to impossible.

I don't know when will this end. I just don't want to have any more priorities in life. I want to live everyday life as it comes - new, refreshing and unknown everyday. Is it at all possible. No I don't think so. To meet the basic expectation that people around you have from me and to keep them happy, I have to prioritize each and every second of my life.

And truly speaking I hate it!

तेरे जाते ही

तेरे जाते ही जैसे छीन गयी इस चेहरे की सारी ख़ुशी
याद करके उन बीते पालो को
रो लेती हूँ कभी या जी लेती हूँ कभी
सोचती हूँ की क्या करूँ ऐसा
की मिल जाये तू वापिस पहले जैसा
फिर लगता है मुमकिन नहीं शायद अब ये
हो चुका है जो होना था
जा चुका है तू वहां जहाँ ना जाना मुझे आना था
राहें अलग हुई तो क्या
दिल तो सदा एक हैं
तब भी थे और अभी भी हैं
                   - अंकिता

That one person

A life should have

Few people to enjoy the special moments
But one person to make that moment unforgettable

Few people to influence the life's journey
But one person to turn it around

Few people to be taken care of
But one person to be possessive about

Few people to be taken for granted
But one special who is always there for sure

Few people to share your sorrows
But one person to understand them

Few people to fight with
But one person to understand that anger

Few people who depends on us
But one person who can't survive without us

Few people to live life
But one person to die for

Hope to find that 'one person' soon.

Life moves on

'Life moves on' I have heard these lines a 1000 times earlier in my life but now I truly understand what it means. I used to think that there are few people in my life without whom I would die. I was so scared that I even cried once or twice just thinking about that. But God I think has a problem with me, he makes me do everything from which I am scared of. And yes then came a day finally when one of my most favorite person decides to leave me. God I will never forgive you for this but yes I am surviving. It totally shattered my faith in people around me, I am scared to love again, I am scared to trust people again but yes I am surviving. I read the lines somewhere - Sometimes the person who can comfort you the most is the same person who made you suffer. So true. I cried my heart out for about 2 months but who was affected; nobody but me (again). 

            Suddenly one day, I got 3 phone calls from 3 different friends, to whom I have not talked to in months, they were worried that am I alright. I didn't tell them anything (I am the kind of person who takes a longgggggggg time to open upto anyone) but those phone calls gave me back the hope to live again, hope to meet someone good once again in life. I finally decided to forgive that person and myself for everything that ever happened and for everything that led us apart.But I am still angry with you God and I am not going to forgive you that easily. 

           Life truly moves on. It doesn't give you the options, just plays its part and leaves upto you that how fast you can accept the good and bad that has happened. I don't like it though but what option do I have. 

          I have somewhat accepted this as my destiny in last 2 months. I try my best to keep myself busy. I engage myself in some lost aspects of my life and in few things which I loved doing. I hang out with my friends and truly speaking I am getting better and better everyday though, I still miss that person and even cry at times. These days I am trying to forget everything negative that happened in my life and retain all the positives, I even try to find happiness in small things everyday. For example when a friend complimented me for my dressing sense a few days back, or when I talked to an offshore team member on phone and she said she loved my pics and wants to come to India, or when a butterfly came and sat on my lap a few days back and how can I forget when my cab driver complimented me that I am a good person by heart. These thing might not reduce the trauma that I suffered but make me feel special somehow. 

                                                 

Heart felt happiness

Have you ever felt happy, really happy when someone else achieved something. I did today. A very close friend of mine got through IIMs. It was one of those times that you truly start to believe in lines " Bhagwan jo karta hai ache k liye karta hai". I have seen this friend struggling alone through some really hard times without loosing  faith in god ever and now was his day when he could proudly claim these lines 'Meine kaha tha na mera bhagwan sab sahi karega".
Hats off to you buddy, you proved all of us wrong.
May all of us get through the difficulties of life in the same way as you did. You proved us wrong, you proved that god is like a mother who has to be harsh sometimes with her kids to teach them a lesson.

May god bless all of us.